My Mate Marmite.

Tired and Jet Lagged from my homecoming I am once again back in all that is magnificent Canada. A place whose breathtaking beauty and extraordinarily wide expanses welcomes you and lets you know anything is possible for the adventurous spirit, if you are truly ready to give instead of take a reminder  that true greatness is still to come. This is the last frontier; possibly “The final front ear” (for me anyway, I don’t suppose anyone is going to give me a space ship anytime soon.)

So what’s with the Marmite, well I have been thinking how to express something that I want to be understood clearly. ( So is a dark brown opaque gunk the right thing I here you ask ? Absolutely and I will tell you why.)

Whilst everyone gets comfortable and ready for the story its probably a good time to mention that for some reason I can’t get my head round not everyone likes Marmite! ( and my Canadian friends may not have any idea what I am talking about, Aussies will be familiar with Vegemite. ( So will a few others thanks to “Men art work” and if you read Terry Pratchett’s “The Last Continent” there is sort of a recipe in there to give you some idea. ) Marmite is applicable because I am half expecting that sort of polarized reaction to this particular post.

To Paul and anyone else who I have raised the question of living with density as a concept I take Marmite to be the quintessential denseness. ( yes I know some metals, bits of space and a fair few people also show a great amount of density, myself  included but as a metaphor I think this will nail it on the head, oh and I am also going to use Breakfast and possibly Toast as a metaphors as well, just so you know ( But you will have to work out those for your selves.)

So every morning you leap? ( Please change for you appropriate morning speed) out of bed rush to the kitchen to start your Breakfast put on some Toast, open the kitchen cupboard and frantically look for your jar of Marmite. Where is it? I can’t see it, what if its been stolen or someone else has eaten it what am I going to do ? Can I get some more Marmite somewhere? Ah OK there it is I have Marmite.

But wait a second how much Marmite do I have left? (This usually starts happening halfway through a jar) that jar looks a little small and yes while  it is jam packed with all the good things and should go a long way, will it go far enough? You open the lid and peer in to its murky depths its hard to tell its very dingy in there you bring it to the light put your eye very close ( Not too close Harold) yes there is Marmite but you become even more worried how do I make it last? Do I go a few days a week without it or do I start to spread it very thinly? When I put my knife in, this time will it hit the bottom? Am I already at the stage where I am attempting to get the Marmite that is stuck to the inside of the jar off.

Now I can here many of you Brits clucking and generally dismissing this lack of Marmite scenario surely you go to the supermarket and buy some more. well that is profligate thinking,  if you were in say Mongolia or France where they would never let such a thing exist you can’t replace your jar, think of it this way what if the EU decided to ban Marmite tomorrow ( and they are just the foolish organization to do such a thing.  What I am saying is that jar of Marmite in your cupboard is your last and only one.)

So once the ramifications of this situation sink in someone comes up to you and says I know where you can trade that tiny half empty  jar of Marmite in for a truly monumental full  jar of Marmite so much Marmite you can spread it so thick as to make you ill. One that when you open it, the surface is pristine no divet out of the middle where someone else has taken the first knife full, no trails of margarine where some one less than careful has contaminated your darling Marmite. A jar so full you may not even get halfway through it where you wake up not worrying about your Marmite. ( A foolish thing to do one should always know where ones towel is at all times.) Should you for some reason forget about your Marmite, when one day you find it again  while rummaging through your cupboard there it is maybe the lid is stuck requiring huge amounts of force that your aging hand have difficulty applying or maybe your grey cells will remember a touch of hot water to ease of the lid, and their to your delight in this bigger than life jar is more Marmite it has not gone moldy and is still usable and probably still full of unplumbed depths, There may even be Marmite left for your offspring to inherit or share with your fellow man along the way.

What I am saying is that for me CANADA is my rather ridiculously never ending Jar of Marmite.

 

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